The sweat rolls down the brows of my eyes as I lay on my night bed. I murmur cries of help as I sleep in my daily slumber. Suddenly with a shock, I wake up. 

It was just a dream. A nightmare. 

I look around my room, it’s dark. I can’t see a thing but I can hear some sound. It is coming from one of the corners, this corner looks particularly darker than the others. I go to check it out, as I walk towards it, my heart beats faster, the sweat has yet to dry off my skin. I’m scared but curiosity has got the better of me and I continue to walk towards the sound. It attracts me to itself, it sounds like a Coppersmith cooing in the early morning. A hammer striking the metal on its surface as hard as it can to mold it. I walk, as I approach it, the floor seems to be getting cooler as I step towards it. It seems to be turning into sand. My sleepy mind is not yet over it’s lethargic state. I can’t focus on anything but the sound and then it happens. My floor turns into a hole and sucks me within itself. Like the top of a tornado, it whirls and rotates and sucks in everything in the room.

I fall inside. It’s like a tunnel of fire, hands and faces look at me from inside the tunnel as I fall in the lapse of gravity. The hands seem to reach out to me trying to help but the faces seem demonic and their intentions seem to be one to hurt. I am afraid, but I can’t seem to be able to speak out, words don’t escape my mouth and I can only make silent cries for help. 

Suddenly I wake up. It was just a nightmare. My wife is looking at me worryingly, her beautiful face reminds me of our life so far. It is always a relief to see her face. Her beautiful face, one I had grown up with. It was a beautiful morning and I had slept in, she had already made breakfast for me. We had been together for 14 years now, high school sweethearts the two of us. I gulped in the delicious pancakes she had made. It was such a relief from the nightmares, but ultimately, that’s all they were, dreams.

I felt a light tug in my neck, a little tightening, as if something was stuck, I coughed a little but nothing happened, it only got worse. I was choking, I cried for help but my tongue wouldn’t work, it was stuck and my wife, the love of my life raced towards me and sat on the chair next to me. She looked me in the eyes, and broke into a maniacal laughter.

What was happening?? I didn’t know what to do. She just kept laughing like a maniac. She had poisoned me. But why?? I could only wonder as slowly and painfully I choked to death.

I woke up. 

It was just another nightmare. 

My wife lay next to me, it was night. She had been woken up by my screams. I didn’t know if this was real. I didn’t know if this was a dream. I didn’t know how I could decide. 

I was scared.

Maybe my whole life was just a nightmare and I would wake up to a better life.

Maybe this was it. 

I couldn’t decide.

I couldn’t know. 

I couldn’t live with not knowing 

and that, God, is why I killed myself.