I turn 20 today! The date makes it even more special as today’s date is a palindrome, 7102017. This marks the end of my teenage years. 7 years ago if anyone would have told me I would be writing a blog and that too about the stuff that I write about, I wouldn’t have believed them. I tried to read some articles on the internet about what it is like to turn 20 and move towards a new stage in life and it seems that I haven’t had the most conventional teenage. I mostly came across people making irresponsible decisions, being carefree and all those things that any teenager is expected to be but I spent my whole teenage being as careful to not create much trouble as possible.
I read people talking about how they need to be responsible now and take things seriously but as someone who took things very seriously his whole adolescent life, I am tired of being responsible and serious now. I didn’t grow up responsibly to just spend the rest of my years taking everything as seriously as before. There should be a change. Of course, there are many things that have influenced what I am now but one thing I am sure about is that I am not going to be as serious as I used to be about everything.
If I had to sum up my teenage years in a few sentences it would go something like having ridiculous morals, being principled, being afraid of taking risks, staying in safe spaces, following all rules rigidly and so many more things that gave me this obsessive and compulsive personality. I would be obsessed with following rules and being morally right and that is something that I think had a major impact in spoiling my last two teenage years.
You know a lot about my last two years, how much I struggled, how it began and what it was like. I spent my 19th birthday at an airport. I was catching a flight from Bangalore to Delhi and although I had college that day, I was just so scared of anyone knowing that it was my birthday and the social anxiety that comes with it that I just left for the airport in the afternoon and spent the whole day there. This was a point where my problems were supposed to disappear but they weren’t. I didn’t have friends; I hardly trusted anyone and I didn’t even want to celebrate my birthday. I saw no point in doing so. I had convinced myself I was better off not celebrating it. I got home late night, cut a cake and all the customs that go with it but I didn’t enjoy one part of it. I remember how bad it was, actually I remember quite vividly down to some very particular details but hopefully that will disappear from my mind.
Since then from October, 2016, it was a downward graph for a long time, until around February, 2017. Things have gotten better since then. I have a blog and so much more now. So this year was really a mixed bag but with more positives than negatives. When you think about it, I am basically just going on multiple laps around the sun and I didn’t think I would make it this time but I did, and that is a mini achievement in itself. Now we go off on another lap around the sun.
I will try and review my teenage years in a new section now called, “The Teenage Review”. Tell me what you think I should add in it and any other suggestions you might have. Most importantly, don’t forget to wish me tonight!