An anonymous reader shares her story.
This is my story, to be honest, I am afraid to share this but I feel this is the right thing to do.
I was sexually assaulted when I was 10, a lot of times by the same person. My family doesn’t know, nobody knows. I have had major trust issues since this incident. I think, I now suffer with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with all the symptoms, but I have never got diagnosed with PTSD as I never sought professional help regarding my issues.
I cannot maintain stable relationships with anyone and that is why I do not have friends as well. I have panic attacks regularly. I am unable look anyone straight in the eye ever since, because that feels kind of uncomfortable and threatening. I don’t go out of my home much, because I don’t feel comfortable going out and I always have a panic attack when I’m outdoors. I indulge in self harm, because I don’t feel comfortable in my skin since this incident. I have flashbacks and nightmares which trigger all those memories. Sometimes I want to give up and just want to die, I have even had 2-3 suicide attempts, but I’m still fighting this.
I have never told anybody about this, because I don’t trust anybody. I only told my best friend a few years ago that I have been sexually assaulted, but even he gets uncomfortable talking about this. So I never told him anything beyond this. He doesn’t know that I cut. He doesn’t know that I have panic attacks. He doesn’t know about my suicide attempts. He doesn’t know any details. He doesn’t know much about this. But then nobody else knows anything at all. But he is very protective of me since I told him about this. He encourages me to move out of my house but I don’t think I’m ready. He also encourages me to seek professional help, but I don’t think I’m ready for this yet. He gives me a lot of strength and courage to keep on fighting.
I plan to consult a professional in future.
This is my story but I don’t let it define me, although it affects ever aspect of my life and every decision I take. I always hide everything behind the mask of a smile.
I hope this helps someone who’s suffering.
I just have one advice, always have one person who you can trust with everything and vent out.
Professional help is a great step which I’m too afraid to take but I highly recommend this to others.
Stay strong, keep fighting, just don’t give up.
Everything will get better with time.