I sometimes wonder where I am going with this blog. There are so many bloggers around me who have built a space for themselves in a short span of time. This makes me wonder whether I am good enough at this. People always tell me that I am doing a great job but so many times I wonder whether I really am or not.
I have around 300 posts on my blog. Most of them focused on mental health but what visibility does my site have? Is doing something kind as good as doing something kind well? I worry about this. The thought of getting stuck in an echo chamber scares me. I don’t want to keep talking about something if there aren’t many people listening to it.
People make careers out of blogging. Fashion bloggers or food bloggers come to mind straight away. They get loads of opportunities and I don’t get anywhere close to that. I convince myself that blogging on mental health isn’t a glamorized skill. There aren’t many mental health bloggers out there in India which is why the concept of blogging on this is a bit alien to some. Sometimes I wonder whether it is a beautiful lie.
I’m not anywhere close to being an established blogger. At least that’s what the numbers suggest. A major part of talking effectively on mental health is being able to influence people and I am anything but an influencer.
I’ll be honest everyone. I get afraid sometimes that all this writing, all this work I put into this blog won’t pay off. It is often said that hard work always pays off but we know that isn’t true. I am not a perfectly content guy that I try to portray myself as. I am scared too. Insecurities and doubt creep into my mind as well.
I worry, but I keep going. I don’t know why I keep going. The output-input ratio of my work is terrible. But I still keep going.
I don’t know why.
But I keep going.