Hey everyone. So this week I have started a new series on my blog by the name Clinical Depression & Me where you can read the real stories of people who have experienced clinical depression and how they have come to terms with it. In my dissertation, I recognized the important role that stories in the media play in people seeking help for depression and thus I decided to have my own collection of stories of people with clinical depression.

For the first episode, I have a dear friend of mine, Priyanka J. Nair, who is a blogger and an author herself and has been an inspiration to me at times when I felt like giving up on blogging. Here is her story.

1. When did you first notice a change in your feelings? 

It was in 2016 when I was diagnosed with Lymph node Tubercular, I had to leave a job, my baby girl was just 2 n half year old, I had to quit my job, we were going through a financial crunch, so all this caused serious distress within me, I felt trapped, restricted due to my illness and started feeling too low.

My parents were always supportive they took care of my illness there was something more to it..I could not realize and then I started writing, I created my blog and started writing about so many things. So this was my first encounter with my mental illness, which I suppressed because I confused it with my physical illness.

2. When did you decide to take help? 

After a while when things turned nasty with my extended family, I started losing my balance, I have fought a lot alone, with myself. The biggest flaw of being depressed is that you are expected to look dull, tired, and fucked up all the time to make others believe you, but no, you can sing, you can dance but still, you can have depression.

You can wear brighter clothes, choose to smile yet you can have a severe suicidal thought the very next moment. I have controlled myself like several time, I used to stay on the 13th floor and I would imagine myself falling down, but every time it was my daughter who tapped me out of that thought. So I have my coping mechanisms.

But soon after it becomes all blurry and I started losing myself such that things like getting up from bed and cooking, cleaning, bathing looked like a huge task.. I just wanted to sleep and I even became socially awkward. But one thing was sure that being a mother I never wanted to pass my anxiety to my kid so I reached out for help and reached a psychologist, sometimes all you need is acknowledgment and assurance.

I knew about these things as I am working hard in this field so I could manage a little by myself but when the going gets tough one should always seek professional help. 

3. What has the journey been like? 

The journey has been quite liberating, hahaha..I feel I am completely transformed, a different person now and I somehow like this person more than how I used to be. I am more compassionate, I can empathize and I am trying my best to sensitize people around me. Because mental health is for real, it affects you badly.

Personally I feel I have been through a lot and things have become messed up. Everything has changed, my life has changed yet I cannot talk openly about it because it is at an early stage. The only things work for me are my daughter’s love and my determination and courage to mark my identity.

Priyanka Nair, Founder of Sanity Daily, Blogger

You can read Priyanka’s Blog here, https://www.sanitydaily.com/

Follow her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/priyanka_j_nair/

If you would like to share your own stories, get in touch with me!